Can't Go Home Again

Hi, this is Tabitha again. After I posted the last entry, Kirsten read it and said, "It was pretty good, but..."

Oh, Kirsten. There is always a "but."

I took the bait, as I knew I was supposed to, and said, "But what?"

"Well..." she replied, as though she hadn't planned what to say, although I knew she had.

"But what?" I repeated, rapidly running out of patience.

"Well, you kind of left a lot of loose ends!" Kirsten said in a burst of words.

"Like what?" I asked, although I knew which ones she meant. See, this is all part of my denial. Some things are too hard to think and talk about. Believe it or not, becoming a vampire and being hunted down in the forest are not the hardest parts to speak of. So I talked about those things, and left out the rest.

Kirsten replied, "Well... you didn't tell them why you still live here, even though you have enough self-control to be around humans now. You didn't tell them what happened to your grandparents, or to your mother and stepfather. You said that the authorities think you ran away, but not what that means in practical terms. You left people with a lot of questions, Tabs!"

Much as I hate to admit it, Kirsten is right. Now I'm going to answer them.

***

It was October when I got here. At that time, though, I was more like a wild animal than a person. I couldn't control myself, and I didn't see much point in trying. As far as I knew, I was a monster. So why not act like one?

It took awhile for my new family to convince me otherwise. To convince me that I could do better, and I should try. It took even longer for me to learn to control my vampire instincts, rather than my vampire instincts controlling me.

During that time, I couldn't have been around humans. Sadly, by the time I was myself again, both of my grandparents had passed away. I felt horrible, thinking they were worried about me at the end - but fortunately, no one told them I was missing. They thought I was living happily with my mom. By the end, both of them were pretty out of it mentally, so I don't think they would have had sufficient memory to realize I was no longer visiting. I still really wish I'd gotten to see them one last time, though, even though I understand it was impossible.

My biggest regret is the people I killed in the woods, but my second biggest is that I never got to say goodbye to my grandma and grandpa. They raised me, and loved me... and they deserved a goodbye. I'm glad, though, that they didn't have to be aware that anything was wrong. Taking an out-of-control vampire to visit a nursing home just wouldn't have worked, but I think they knew I loved them. I found out they had a picture of me in their room until the end. It means a lot to me that they still cared.

My mother and stepfather were another story.

The Greens and Roses knew that it would be awhile before I could live anywhere else but here. I'm in control of myself most of the time now, but I still need some help. I'm not yet ready to go live among regular people who don't understand what I am. My new family is also sensitive to the fact that my stepfather used to hit me and my mom didn't stop him, and they understood that I was conflicted about whether I would ever want to live in my old home, even if I could. They would never have forced me to go back.

Having visits was a possibility, though... or even just letting them know I'm safe. They didn't do a good job of raising me, but I didn't want them to be afraid I was dead. I thought maybe it would be okay if they knew where I was, and that I was happy and didn't need any help from them.

By December, I was doing well enough that my new family felt they could broach the possibility with my mom and stepfather. Blakeney and the girls were supposed to see them at a holiday gathering anyway, so they thought they could bring it up subtly.

They did. And as soon as they said my name, my stepfather said, "Frankly, it's a relief to me that she's gone. Tabitha was trouble." My mother nodded, and added, "It's better this way."

Better that they thought I was a runaway? Better that I might be dead? Apparently so, as long as I was out of their way. It hurts to know they felt that way - although I'm glad my family told me the truth about what they said - but I'm not really surprised they said it. I'm glad Blakeney and Bree didn't tell my mother or stepfather where I am after all. They didn't deserve to know.

The police in my old hometown think I'm a runaway. It seems like a "typical" story - teen foster kid, always getting in trouble, ditches foster home and school and takes off. The authorities have no reason to think there was foul play, or that I didn't leave voluntarily. There are no leads about where I went. My parents aren't exactly beating down the precinct doors with their concern, and their indifference contributes to the police assuming I'm fine somewhere. Technically I'm a missing person, but there's not a whole lot of effort going into finding me. Either I'll come back, they figure, or I won't.

I won't. I have a family here that loves me and appreciates me. It took me a long time to believe and accept that, but I do now. My new family doesn't think they'd be better off without me. They don't think I'm a burden, even under the circumstances where they found me and had to take me in. They want me here. Finally, someone wants me. I have no intention of going anywhere else.

Love,
Tabitha

Before I Was Here

Hi, this is Tabitha. Last time I wrote a blog entry, people seemed to like it and asked me to write again someday. So... today is the day, I guess. I've decided that I'm finally going to start talking about the past... how I went from having a relatively normal life to being a feral vampire, living in the woods and fleeing for my life from both vampires and vampire hunters.

I don't talk about my human life very much. I've never written about it on the blog (although Clare mentioned it vaguely,) and I don't really ever talk about it offline, either. There are a couple of reasons for that. For one thing, of course, it's kind of painful, especially how it ended. But the bigger thing is, it feels... done. Distant. I remember it, of course, but a lot of it feels like it happened to someone else. Everything changed so much when I became a vampire. It almost seems like a different life. A lot of the time, it's just hard to see the relevance. I'm starting to realize that attitude is not entirely healthy, though. It may even be a form of denial. So I'm going to try talking about it, and I hope it'll help my past and my present "lives" feel more connected.

***

I think the main reason my parents decided to get married and have a kid is that everyone else in their small town was doing that. All their friends were coupling up and becoming parents, so they did the same thing. It didn't go very well. Before long their marriage was in trouble, and they were having trouble finding the motivation to take care of me. They asked my grandpa and grandma to look after me for "a little while"; I actually ended up living with my grandparents from age two to age fourteen.

I was generally pretty happy with them. They were kind, took good care of me, and I knew they loved me. Sometimes it was hard to fit in with my peers, though. I was the shy, quiet kid who lived with two elderly people. (I know the "shy and quiet" part will be difficult to believe for those who have seen me as an out-of-control vampire, but seriously, I was.) My grandmother always had me dress in very old-fashioned clothes, because she was from a different era and she thought it was more proper. I got made fun of a lot at school, and I didn't have the easiest time making friends. A lot of my best memories are of time I spent with my grandma and grandpa, or alone, rather than with kids my own age.

There's an exception to that, though. After I was turned into a vampire wasn't the first time I met some of the Greens. My grandparents lived next door to some of our other relatives (my great-aunt and great-uncle, I think?) and those relatives would have their relatives come visit. Among the visitors at first - usually twice a year - were Kirsten, Felicity, and Molly from one family, and Bree from another. After a couple of years, there were some changes; Bree's parents had a falling-out with the rest of the family, so she stopped visiting. Then Charissa was born, and I got to know her, too. Yep, we're all related!

It was really fun to watch the Green family grow as they added more members. Sometimes I was jealous of how much fun they seemed to have, but I wouldn't have wanted to leave my grandparents. I really looked forward to visits from the girls twice a year, though, and we had a lot of fun together, playing when we were little and then just hanging out more as we got older.

The last time I saw the girls like that - on a visit, with life still normal - was December 2010. Shortly after that, things fell apart for me. And that's where the story starts to get tough.

I never really thought of my grandparents as old. They were just the people I lived with, the people who took care of me. They were a generation older than the other kids' parents, though, and over the course of that winter and spring, their health started to get worse. My grandpa had to go into a nursing home, because he needed more care than me and my grandma could provide - and then just a couple of months later, my grandma had to go live there too.

I guess I had always kind of thought of myself as an orphan - but I wasn't, really. Both of my parents were still alive, and they came to visit now and then. Awkward, stiff, painfully polite visits where no one had much to say to each other. By the time my grandparents had to go to the nursing home, my mother and father had gotten a divorce, and my mother had gotten remarried. I went to live with my mom and my stepdad, but it was incredibly weird and uncomfortable after spending my whole childhood up till that point living somewhere else.

My mom had to work really long hours, and she wasn't home very much. I rarely saw her. My stepfather had taken early retirement after being injured at his job, so he was home all the time, and that was... awkward. We fought a lot. I didn't really know him, and he didn't want a kid - especially a teenager who wasn't his biological child. He and my mom were already having problems, and me being there added to that. My behaviour wasn't the best, either. I was really struggling with the situation, and I was acting out. He got more and more frustrated with me. First he started yelling at me, and then later, he started hitting me when he was mad.

One time he bruised me up pretty badly, and my teacher noticed. She called Child Protective Services, and I got sent to a foster home while he took anger management and he and my mom did parenting classes. I didn't particularly want to go back, but I didn't have much choice. The social worker said once they completed what the court ordered, I'd be living with them again.

I thought about running away, but I didn't... which ended up being kind of ironic, because what did happen had the same effect, and the police still think I ran. If I'd run away then, my life would have been a lot different. In the long run, it probably would have been worse, though. It all worked out for me eventually. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

My foster parents lived in kind of a bad part of town, and I hated having to walk anywhere after dark. My foster mom sent me to the store to buy milk one night, and on the way there I noticed a couple of people following me. That didn't look like a good thing, but there wasn't a lot I could do about it. I pulled up my jacket collar and started walking faster, hoping they'd lose interest or I'd get to the store before they got to me.

Neither of those things happened. They cornered me on one of the empty back streets, and dragged me into an alley. I knew they had something bad in mind - but it wasn't what I assumed. The one guy pulled down my coat collar, and sank his teeth into my neck. What happened next was... bad. The transformation was painful. I think I eventually passed out.

When I woke up, I was in the woods. Alone. With no idea where I was, or how I'd gotten there, or where the people had gone, or what had happened to me. It was dark, but I didn't know if it was still the same night or if a whole day had passed. I didn't really know what to do. In school they teach you that when you're lost in the forest, you're not supposed to go anywhere - you're supposed to wait to be rescued. That sounds good in theory, but it didn't seem to apply in my case, because I wasn't even sure anyone would realize I was missing, and if they did, they weren't likely to start looking in the woods; I had to be miles and miles from my foster home, to be in such an isolated area. Location aside, I'd been attacked by (what I thought at the time were) crazy people, and for all I knew, they were going to come back and hurt me again. I started walking, hoping to find a road or a house or something.

As I covered more ground, though, I realized I was thirsty. Really thirsty. My plan changed to finding a stream or a creek or something instead. Once I'd had a drink, I would just follow the flow of the water, because another thing I remembered from school was that this will usually eventually lead you to human habitation. When I wasn't so thirsty anymore, it would be easier to keep walking until I got there.

I eventually found a stream, and drank from it... but it didn't help in the slightest. My throat felt just as parched, and my stomach felt just as empty. I felt weak, my limbs were tired - but I also felt strangely agitated, like there was something I needed to do. After an hour or so of following the water, I smelled food. I thought maybe it was a campsite or something, and maybe they'd give me something to eat. (Or I could steal it. I know that sounds awful, but I wasn't feeling a lot of moral compunction about taking stuff at that point.) As it turned out, it was a campsite. But that was the moment I realized I wasn't human anymore.

Instinct took over. I killed the campers for their blood. I felt horrible afterward, standing there with my red-stained hands... but what made it even worse was that I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself if it happened again.

My instincts also told me that I needed to avoid the sun. I would travel during the night, and during the day I would find someplace to hole up and sleep. I wasn't really thinking clearly at that point - but the drive to survive is strong. I slept in a cabin (fortunately empty for the off-season) and then started walking again once night fell. I didn't really know where I was going. After what happened with the campers, I knew I couldn't just walk back to town and resume my ordinary life. I was something different now. A monster. Unfit for human society. I walked because my animal brain was telling me to keep moving, and my higher-level thinking didn't have any better options to suggest.

Within a couple of hours of nightfall on that second night, I realized I was being followed. I sped up my pace, and did my best to stay out of sight. I'm pretty quick, agile, and light, so that came naturally to me. (Although having red hair doesn't help when you're trying to camouflage yourself.) By the following night, I figured out that the vampires who had turned me were after me again - I had guessed what they were as soon as I started craving blood - but I couldn't figure out why they'd pursue me now.

I mean, they'd had me completely in their power when they cornered me and bit me. I even passed out. I was a helpless target. I hadn't had a chance to escape because I was unconscious; I was apparently just dumped in the woods. So why were they now chasing me?

It took me another full day and most of another night to figure that out. They were hunting me for fun. They had made me into a vampire for this express purpose - because they wanted to chase something, and humans didn't provide enough challenge. That made me all the more resolved not to let them catch me.

They never did, although there were a few more close calls. (And unfortunately, three more campers crossed my path, and again the thirst took over and I lost control.) After a few more days, though... now I was purposely avoiding civilization, not seeking it out... suddenly there was another group in play. Humans, deliberately following our trail. At first I thought they were just hunting the hunters, but then after a near miss with them too, I realized they intended to kill me also if they found me. They were less sneaky hunters than the vampires - but they also had gear. It was the human hunters who set the bear trap that nearly ripped my leg off, but somehow in my panic I managed to fight my way free and get away again.

The humans who were hunting us built a huge fire at their camp, and I knew it was a threat - a threat of what they would do to me if they found me again. It was intended to be a funeral pyre.

Things didn't work out that way, though. The vampires who were chasing me gave up because they were scared of the human group, but I realized there was now a third group of people after me. Great! This was really not how I envisioned life being at age fourteen. I went deeper into the woods, doing my best to hide, but they followed me - and they were the ones who found me.

That is... fortunately they were the ones who found me! Because the third set of pursuers turned out to be the people who would become my family.

I didn't make it easy for them. As a matter of fact, due to how violent and feral I was by that point, I came to my new home heavily sedated and locked in a shipping container, for my own safety and the safety of my fellow passengers.

My new family was patient, though. They rehabilitated me. They taught me self-control. Now I can be around humans without hurting anybody. I don't know how to say it, how to put into words what they did for me, but I can never thank them enough.

Sometimes in my nightmares, I'm out in the woods again. Scared. Running. Hunted.

I hope I'm never out there again. I hope when I'm in the forest, it's camping with my family, not fleeing for my life. My life has changed - I have changed. I have blood on my hands that I can't wash off. But I think I finally belong somewhere again, in spite of my past.

Love,
Tabitha

Another Mysterious Present

Hi, this is Tabitha. This is my first time ever writing for the blog, although I've been written about by the other girls. I didn't mind them talking about me, but the truth is, I was a little embarrassed to write about myself. When I got here, I was a newly-turned vampire, and I was so out-of-control I couldn't really even express myself. Things got better, but I kind of stopped worrying about it, and then... I hurt Kiwi. I didn't mean to, and she forgave me right away. Everyone forgave me. I couldn't forgive myself. I never want to feel that way again - like I wasn't even myself, I was just this force out of my own control. It still happens in my bad dreams, but I've been working really hard not to let it happen again for real.

That was another reason I haven't blogged. I was afraid of what the readers would think of me. Crazy Tabitha, who caused all the problems with The Elders because they found out about what happened with Kiwi and set their sights on us. Tabitha the animal who almost killed her sister. I didn't see why anyone would want to hear what I had to say.

Since then, my sisters have been doing their best to convince me. They've been encouraging me - and occasionally bugging me - about how I should actually write an entry. I always gave the excuse that I had nothing to say. Today, I have actual news of my very own, so that excuse isn't going to work anymore. I guess I'll give this blogging thing a try. Hopefully no one minds hearing from Crazy Tabitha.

So here goes:

Today, I got a package of my own in the mail. I would have been panicked about this, because ideally most humans (especially vampire hunters) shouldn't know where I am. I was a little bit prepared, though, because Marie-Grace had gotten a package in the mail recently too, and this was very similar to hers. No return address, wrapped in plain brown paper, New Orleans postmark. I figured this had to be from the same mysterious sender who had sent Marie-Grace the necklace that protects her from the sun.

So when I opened my package, I wasn't scared, I was excited. Would there be something that would let me feel the sun on my face again without burning up, too? I miss it so much, and I've never really gotten used to having to hide from the daylight. I could barely bring myself to open it, because I was afraid I would be disappointed if it wasn't what I was wishing for. With trembling fingers, I broke through the tape, unwrapped the paper, and opened the plain brown box.

Inside was a strand of red coral beads. It wasn't just any necklace, though - it had belonged to my grandmother, and her own mother gave it to her originally. Sometimes she let me wear it for very special occasions when I was a little girl. I lifted it out, and put it around my neck.

As I fastened the familiar clasp, I realized something very important about these gifts. They aren't just random necklaces. They already have a tie to each of us. Marie-Grace's necklace is one she lost a long time ago in New Orleans, and mine is one that has been in my family. That means they must have been specifically sent for the recipient. I'm glad we realized this before someone tried to go outside in daylight wearing a necklace that was sent to a different sister! I hope our "friend" sends ones for Clare and Cécile someday, too.

For the first time in months, I stepped outside during the daylight. I stood on the deck, not caring that it was cold and I wasn't wearing a coat, and let the winter sun shine on my face. I closed my eyes, and I could still feel the rays on my skin and see a halo of light through my eyelids. For fourteen years, I took this for granted. I doubt I'll ever take it for granted again.

Love,
Tabitha

Connecting the Dots

Hi, this is Summer. After supper last night - we were getting ready to head from the Green house to the Rose house to get some sleep, actually - the doorbell rang. Cécile and Marie-Grace were standing on the front steps, looking worried. I would have been able to tell from their expressions alone that something was up. Plus the fact that it was so late at night. Plus the fact that they know that coming over might make Tabitha freak out, but they still came without warning. My immediate thought was that this was something bad.

They came inside. (Tabitha went down the the basement and killed a chair. Clare was mostly fine. Every now and then she'd start to crouch defensively like they were about to fight, but she'd catch herself and snap out of it. Ah, territorial young vampires...) After some basic hellos, they got down to business.

"We found out who killed those other vampires," Marie-Grace said. "They're a group of really old, powerful vampires who call themselves The Elders."

Inna dropped the mug she was holding, and it shattered against the tile floor. Her face was even paler than usual. She didn't say anything, though, so the girls went on explaining.

"They're looking for Clare and Tabitha," Cécile said, with obvious worry in her voice.

"Why?" I asked, although I hadn't meant to say it aloud.

It was Inna who answered me. "Vampire society isn't all that organized, in general, except at the family or local group level. But... there are a few groups who try to exert power over the others. Usually less out of the goodness of their hearts, and more because they need vampires to be a secret, so they can keep their own position of control. They enforce what has popularly come to be called 'the masquerade,' so I guess they're the vampire form of a penal system."

"Like the Mounties?" Kiwi asked innocently.

Inna shook her head. "The Mounties follow the law of the land, not just their own whims. Vampires have no official law that everyone recognizes. Also, the Mounties don't just murder people - that's the biggest difference."

"That's why they killed the vampires who turned me, I guess," Clare said. "They drew a lot of human attention. It was in the papers, and stuff, that people were being attacked and disappearing back in Denver. And that's why they're coming after us, too."

Marie-Grace nodded. "That's what they said."

"You talked to them?" I asked.

Cécile looked embarrassed. "Well, it's not like we invited them over for tea. They sought us out, not the other way around. We were just trying to stay out of their way."

Marie-Grace added quietly, "They found us because they wanted to warn us about who we make friends with here. We haven't made them angry. Not yet, anyway. But... they're upset about Tabitha and Clare. Both of those girls created a fair bit of chaos back in the United States." She added, "Sorry!" to Clare, but Clare shrugged and looked ashamed, because it was the truth.

"How do they know Clare and Tabs are here?" Kirsten asked. "They haven't caused any trouble in public here."

"Because of Kiwi's injuries," Cécile replied. "I guess they have people reporting back to them from all over the place, and... someone who read the medical reports didn't buy the 'dog attack' story. They snooped around, and figured it out."

"Do they know where the girls are?" Inna asked, sounding awfully calm under the circumstances.

Cécile shook her head. "Only that they're in this city. Nothing more specific. If they did... things would have gotten bad already. They said... to tell you that your days are numbered, too, Inna. I'm really sorry..."

"It's not your fault," Inna said rather blankly, and exchanged a glance with Maia.

This was all getting to be a bit much for me. These are people I care about!

"Why would they want to hurt Inna?" I asked somewhat angrily.

Inna answered before Cécile could. She said, "Because they tried before and I didn't die."

Suddenly all the pieces clicked into place. We weren't dealing with all kinds of different vampire groups trying to pick us off. It was all these Elders. They were the ones who tried to kill Inna, and then bound her as a servant. They're the ones who chased us here. They're the ones who have been threatening the Rose family all along. Now they're threatening Clare and Tabitha too - and this city probably drew their attention in the first place because Inna came here - they just don't realize we're all together. And from what Bree said about vampires and Fae, she and Fiona may be on the hit list too.

Not good!

Fortunately, at this point, Marie-Grace broke the silence by announcing, "There's a silver lining, though."

"Go on?" Maia encouraged her, although it was difficult to see the possibility of one.

"Well... they're gone." Marie-Grace was speaking hurriedly now, eager to get this out before the bad mood completely overtook us. "Not forever. They haven't given up. But... something happened. I don't know what. A message came while they were at our house, and they whispered about it, and then they all left. We followed them discreetly, and they boarded a ship at the harbour, and went away. We couldn't figure out where they were going - the ship's information was in Russian, I think - but they're not here anymore."

"They'll come back," Cécile cautioned us.

"Of course," Inna replied, and her smile had a sarcastic twist. "They've been playing cat-and-mouse with me for years. It's amusing to them to toy with the prey." Realizing this comment was potentially alarming, she added, "But don't forget, we have a major advantage now. We know what they're up to, and they don't know that we know. We can be prepared for them."

Clare looked pretty miserable, so I gave her a hug. "I'm sorry about all this..." she said.

"It's not your fault," I told her sincerely. "You didn't ask to become a vampire, and you didn't know how to control yourself at first. You didn't have anyone to help you like we're helping Tabitha. You aren't responsible for what happened."

"Thanks," Clare said softly. It's not like we haven't told her that before, but she obviously needed reassurance at that moment.

So now we have to come up with our next move. Our first thought was to cancel our various holiday trips instead of scattering all over the place for Christmas... safety in numbers, and all. Inna said she didn't think that was a good idea, though. They probably already have some suspicions about us, and if we suddenly had a big change of plans right after they gave Cécile and Marie-Grace a warning, it would be pretty obvious we had something to hide. Well, more like someone to hide - Clare and Tabitha. We're going to go ahead with what we intended to do for the holidays, and hope the vampire Elders stay gone for a good long time.

Love,
Summer

Inna the Vampire Slayer

Hi, this is Clare, with more Crazy Vampire News.

As you may recall, ever since I've been here, I've had other vampires after me. That's why I came here, actually. I was running from them. I changed my name so it would be harder for them to find me; on the way here I passed a place called St. Clare's Hospital, so I decided to be Clare. They still found me... but I like my new name. I think it suits me.

There were four vampires in their hunting group. They're the ones who kidnapped me off the streets of Denver and turned me into a vampire too. They planned to keep me, and make me a part of their group. Like their trainee, or their little sister. I didn't want to be there, though, because they kill people, so I ran away. They weren't okay with that. They thought I belonged to them. They were afraid I would expose them to the humans because I'd gone rogue. Plus I think they just saw me as their property, with no right to get away. They were going to punish me for not doing what they wanted and not being a killer like them.

I ran from them for a long time... I guess I was always headed to Nova Scotia, without realizing it, because that's where I lived with my grandmother, and I was happy there. Well, they found me in Nova Scotia, so I stowed away on the ferry and went north again. That's how I ended up here. That's how I finally found a home.

Since then, the vampires have been skulking around from time to time. They would occasionally strike - like when they cornered me at the park, or when they kidnapped Kiwi - and then when they didn't win, they'd disappear again. We know they're monsters, but they're monsters who are good at hiding. You can't call the police about problem vampires, because the vampires would just eat the police. We knew we had to find some way of getting rid of them once and for all, before they killed more people. None of us knew where to look, though.

Tonight, they made a move. One of them was sniffing around the house, scouting us out, and he bumped into Inna. Who is not afraid of vampires. And who is capable of being really scary. I'm glad I'm on her side, not the other side. Inna didn't tell us all the details of how she defeated the vampire guy, but I know it involved a wooden stake and firing up the gas barbecue - so I can guess the rest. I'm glad that isn't how I ended up - and I definitely would have if my new family hadn't protected me!

Inna was able to follow the guy's trail back to where the other vampires were hiding. They had built a kind of nest in an unused downtown building, and had killed at least one homeless person to feed on. I'm glad I didn't see that. It would have been sad, and... I might not have acted human around the blood. I don't like that thought.

When Inna went further into their little makeshift lair, she found the other three vampires already dead. From the look of the scene - which wasn't much, since going with traditional lore they were burned - she said it looked like they'd been killed by other vampires.

I'm not sure whether I feel safer, or less safe. The ones who wanted me dead are gone now, but I don't think I can really say I'm safer without knowing why they were killed. 

Grudge? That probably wouldn't involve me. I haven't crossed paths with any other vampires besides the ones who turned me, plus Tabitha, so I don't see how I could have made anyone mad. 

Turf war? Depends. I'm not interested in being territorial, but if someone else wants this to be their territory without other vampires, Tabitha and I are probably also on the hit list. 

Or... something else? And if something else, then what? Why would vampires want to kill other vampires? Would whoever did it want to kill me and Tabitha, too?

Could it be that the vampires who got rid of the dangerous ones were trying to protect the humans? So maybe they're good vampires. Maybe there are nice and heroic vampires who go around making sure bad vampires don't hurt people? Inna didn't think this was too likely, but it would be a happy and optimistic possibility. She said most vampires are more about the self-preservation or at best protecting close family and allies... and in some cases protecting the secrets of vampirism... than about altruism to strangers. Too bad my wishful thinking vampire superhero theory is probably not true.

Maybe I don't want it to be true, anyway. I've done bad things. Tabitha has done bad things. Not that we had much choice, but it happened. Do we count as bad vampires because of that? If someone is "cleaning house" so to speak, are we in danger too?

In a way, it's a relief not to be scared of the vampires that made me into one anymore. I still have nightmares about when they kidnapped me and turned me. I'm glad they won't take anyone else's mortal life like that. Now I may have more things to be scared of, though. I'm glad I have my family to protect me and reassure me that it'll all be okay. No matter how things turn out with this, letting them adopt me was the smartest thing I ever did.

Love,

Clare

An awkward (but still fun) visit

Hi, blog friends. This is Kaya. As I mentioned in a reply to a comment on another post, our new friends came to visit us after tonight's Nutcracker rehearsal. It's easy to have people over after dance because our house is only about two blocks away from the dance school, so we just walked here after practice ended. It's getting dark here by late-afternoon this time of year, but it's still a pretty safe walk, especially at such a short distance.

Cécile and Marie-Grace seemed happy to visit, although they were a little shy. I think they don't get invited to people's houses very often. Unfortunately, as soon as I turned my key in the lock and let them in, Tabitha started freaking out. She's used to the family coming and going, but we weren't sure how she was going to handle a guest.

It was even worse than Halloween. Tabitha's room is in the basement of the Rose house, but we live in row houses so we only have interior walls between us. Cécile and Marie-Grace heard everything... including Tabitha ripping her bed apart and throwing pieces of it at the wall. They obviously weren't quite sure what to do.

I wasn't sure either, honestly. I'm used to Tabitha, but Tabs doesn't usually cross paths with "civilians." Was I supposed to joke about it? Explain? (Which would have to be a lie. I can't tell our guests, "Oh, that's just one of our vampires.") Should I apologize? Pretend it wasn't happening?

I went for a brief vague apology, followed by pretending it wasn't happening. Fiona followed my lead, but she kept glancing anxiously at the wall that separates the two houses, as if she was afraid Tabitha was going to burst through at any second. I was... not unconcerned about that possibility, too. Clare was out hunting, so at least we didn't have two of them to worry about. Since Clare is more used to being a vampire, she's in better control and has more options for that kind of stuff; we can't let Tabitha hunt alone in the city, but Clare can control herself well enough to stick to rats instead of humans.

Weirdness aside, we actually had a fun time. Cécile and Marie-Grace said they'd already eaten, and apparently they have a bunch of food allergies, so they didn't want anything to eat, but we all had some herbal tea. We talked about dance, and the places we've visited, and what their lives were like in New Orleans. They didn't say anything about their family, though, so I'm not really sure who they live with. When it was time for them to go, they walked home, so I'm not even positive where they live... although they did mention what street, and it's not far from here.

By the time we had finished our tea, some of my other sisters had joined us, and we played Scrabble and listened to music. (Cécile won the game.) Marie-Grace taught us some old-fashioned ballroom dance steps she had learned back in New Orleans. Not all of my sisters are very wonderful dancers - I thought Kirsten was going to sprain something - but we had a good laugh and it was a lot of fun.

Finally it got late for a school night, and Marie-Grace and Cécile had to say goodnight. (Canadian Thanksgiving is in October, so tomorrow is just a regular school Thursday for us.) It was a fun time, in spite of the weirdness with Tabitha.

Speaking of Tabitha, she totally destroyed her room - especially her bed, which is now in small pieces. At this point, she's being nonverbal again, although she stopped being aggressive once the girls left. Inna says Tabitha will snap out of it; actually Inna thinks Tabitha is over whatever happened, and is just being silent because she's too embarrassed to talk about it. I hope she doesn't feel too bad. I like it better when Tabitha is happy, and it's not her fault she's still struggling with being a vampire.

The weather probably didn't help. We're supposed to get a big snowstorm tomorrow. (I wonder if we'll get a little "holiday" from school after all?) Can vampires sense the weather like wild animals can? It's not a very flattering comparison, but I should ask Clare anyway. It would be interesting to know.

Oh! I also got another letter from my penpal in Nunvavut today. I found out she's a foster kid like I was; I wonder if they matched us up on purpose because of that. She told me more about her school and her activities, and it turns out she likes dance also. She also likes animals. I'm going to write her back about Nutcracker.

Happy Thanksgiving to our American readers who celebrate it, and Happy Thursday to the rest! :-)

Love,
Kaya

P.S. We've decided to use our little cartoons of ourselves in posts we write so it's easier for our readers to remember which one of us is talking. Hopefully it won't be confusing! Group posts won't have a picture, but individual posts will.

P.P.S. Happy Birthday, Inky! :-)

"Where do all the old vampires go?"

Hi there, this is Josefina. I'm just realizing I haven't written a blog entry in a long time! I've just been really distracted with school and stuff... the school newspaper takes up most of my writing time these days. It's good to be behind the keyboard for the blog again. :-)

Just to warn you, this isn't really a news post. It's more sort of a thinky post, about a conversation we had, and a question we couldn't figure out the answer to.

Several of us were sitting in the living room working on homework, when out of the blue, Kirsten asked, "Where do all the old vampires go?"

"What do you mean?" Felicity replied in a somewhat distracted way, looking up from the French verb conjugations she was memorizing.

Kirsten frowned, trying to explain her train of thought, and said, "Well, vampires are supposed to be immortal, right? So how come all the ones we've met have been turned really recently? Clare has been one for a little more than a year. Tabitha for less than two months. The ones who turned Clare and came after her don't seem all that ancient either, are they, Clare?"

Clare shook her head. "Nope. They were only turned a few years ago, as far as I know."

"Exactly!" Kirsten said. "So if they live forever, why haven't we met any old ones? Like Dracula, or something?"

"Because Dracula is fictional," Bree commented dryly without looking up from her book, her sole and oh-so-helpful contribution to the conversation.

Kirsten stuck her tongue out at Bree and rolled her eyes. "I don't mean Dracula specifically. Obviously! I mean really old ones like him. We know more vampires than the average people. How come we've never met any that were old? Like, not even that had been vampires for a few decades?"

All eyes turned to Clare, our resident insider vampire expert.

"I don't know," the resident insider vampire expert replied. "Vampires die a lot, though, I guess. We don't get old or pass away from natural causes, but we can be killed... and so far it seems like there are attempts to kill us a lot. Between vampire hunters and other vampires, the herd probably naturally gets thinned quite a bit."

We all thought this was likely true, but not a totally satisfying answer. That would explain why there weren't many older vampires. Like, why vampires don't just overrun humans and take everything over. It doesn't explain why haven't seen or heard of any, though... because there keep being new ones. Some of them are surviving long enough to create new ones, or else vampires would die out. If they can live that long, surely some of them make it to older age? Even much older?

"Maybe we should ask Inna this," Clare suggested. "She knows more than I do."

Including these two concepts - older vampires and Inna - in the same conversation made me wonder something. I wonder if that's what she's afraid of. If that's what's chasing her. She doesn't seem scared of newer vampires, like our resident ones or the ones chasing Clare. When Kiwi was taken, Inna was angry and afraid for Kiwi's safety, but she didn't seem to have any fears about surviving the rescue attempt herself; she seemed pretty confident. I'm sure some of it was for the sake of the rest of us - but I don't think all her courage was faked. When Inna manages to track the kidnapper vampires down again, she's planning to go after them, and again she seems confident about the outcome.

But there's something she is afraid of. I wonder if it could be the older sort of vampires that we haven't seen yet? Maybe she got on the bad side of one at some point, and now the vampire is out for revenge? It's just a guess, of course. But it's the only idea we've had so far of what might have scared Inna so badly she'd wonder if we were better off without her...

Love,
Josefina

Recovery

Hi, this is Kaya.

Well, life goes on. Even after something really scary, like the accident with Kiwi and Tabitha.

Kiwi is feeling better today. She's still really sore, and her cheek and nose are really swollen. She's still having trouble with her eye. Surgery is looking like a certainty. Kiwi is taking pain meds, though, and using ice, so she seems pretty cheerful. Especially when we watched Labyrinth with her.

Tabitha feels really, really awful. We all feel bad when we see her, because she looks so dejected. She keeps apologizing to Kiwi - even though Kiwi forgave her - and seems surprised Kiwi even still wants to see her. All day, Tabitha has been doing her best to make Kiwi feel better. Once the sun set she even went in the kitchen and baked cookies for her, even though she couldn't taste any of it herself. We didn't even know Tabitha could cook; we've never seen her do anything around the house. I think she's really trying to turn over a new leaf... and find some humanity. We all wish her well.

For the rest of us, things are kind of back to normal again.

Felicity and Josefina are preparing for the French language oral exams they have every semester. They spend a lot of time chatting away to each other, and the rest of us sort of understand.

Fiona and I are thinking a lot about Nutcracker for ballet - we find out our roles on Monday. I'm pretty sure I'll get something because pretty much all the pointe students are in it. There aren't as many of us, and we have more experience, so I'll probably get cast. I hope it's something good! Fiona isn't sure if she'll get a role, because there are a lot more kids in her age group, and most of her class has studied longer than she has. She also thinks her teacher doesn't like her. She's not sure she'll even be in the show. I think she will, though. She's a good dancer and she works hard. Day after tomorrow, we'll find out!

And yet as always lately, our life is a balance between the mundane and the weird. Day-to-day, it's pretty normal for us. We live just like many other kids our age.  There are some shadows hanging over us. Some scary things still unresolved.

1.) We don't know where the bad feral vampires that kidnapped Kiwi and are trying to kill Clare are. After the last incident, Inna tried to track them down, but couldn't find them. They're still out there. That is worrisome.

2.) The vampire hunters who also wanted Clare dead got kicked out of Canada and aren't supposed to come back. They were after Tabitha when we found her in Pennsylvania, though, so they have even more reason to want to get to us if they figure out where she is. What if they hear about what happened to Kiwi and think Tabitha is an urgent danger? What if they sneak across the border and come back?

3.) The people who keep threatening Inna. We don't know who the are. Whether they're more vampires, or humans, or what. We do know Inna is scared of them... and Inna isn't scared of much, not even ordinary bad vampires. Whatever has her spooked has to be really bad.

So that's life. Kiwi is recovering. I guess we're all recovering - Kiwi was the only one who got hurt, but it was really scary and upsetting for all of us. Tabitha is still trying to get over her guilt. Yeah, we're all still getting better. But I think we're going to be okay.

Love,
Kaya

Accidents Happen

Hi, this is Summer.

As the title of the post says, accidents happen. With vampires around, accidents are even more likely. Unfortunately, we had an accident with Tabitha, and people are pretty stressed out about it.

I should start out by saying that in the time since we posted last (and sorry it's been so long - this is a busy time for us at school) Tabitha, our new vampire, had kind of plateaued. At first, she was just totally feral like an animal, but as she got used to living here she settled down a little. She didn't have to be tied up anymore. Obviously she was struggling a lot - especially over the blood craving thing - but she was able to carry on brief conversations with us, and at one point we felt comfortable enough that Inna and Clare took her to the woods to run around for awhile, and it went fine.

But then... it was like Tabitha decided this was good enough. She had Clare to feed her when she needed to eat. She had a safe place to live. She had company and conversation when she felt like it, and she could make us go away by acting crazy when she didn't. She knew we'd take her out of the city so she could stretch her legs if she behaved well. But that was it. That's not much of a life. Not compared to what she could have.

We were hoping she could finish school, like Clare is doing with her homeschool lessons, and maybe go on to university someday. That she could get under control enough to go outside besides the woods or the yard. That she could maybe even make some human friends someday. That sort of thing. We were hoping she could basically be a normal young woman, with the occasional vampire oddness to work around.

Tabitha didn't seem all that interested. Because living like a human is hard work for a vampire, and living like a monster, or at best an animal, is not difficult. Tabitha had found a sort of comfortable (for her, not for anyone else...) midpoint, and she seemed content to stay there - which worried us.

I think that may have changed with the accident tonight, though.

All of us girls were in the Roses' basement, watching TV with Tabitha. We know it's harder for her with that many people, but it seems like she's getting used to it, and she enjoys the company. Kiwi and Evelyn were playing quietly with Ev's toy horses while we watched the show. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but Kiwi banged her arm on the coffee table, and scraped her elbow.

There was a tiny little bit of blood.

We all froze.

Clare ran out of the room and upstairs, which was really smart, because she could potentially have made things a lot worse. But Tabitha took one quick sniff of the air, and totally lost it. She crossed the room in a single leap, and tackled Kiwi. Kiwi squeaked as her head banged on the floor, and tried to get away from Tabitha, but vampires are way stronger than humans. The rest of us yanked Tabitha off Kiwi, even as Kiwi was shifting to her cat form to try to get out from under her. We had to put Tabitha back in the restraints; she wouldn't calm down. Kiwi changed back, and we took her out of the room while Felicity and Inna tried to get Tabitha to stop freaking out.

Kiwi is pretty banged up. She's not going to die or anything, but the doctors said she will probably need surgery. :-(

Tabitha feels totally awful, like she's a terrible vampire. It wasn't really her fault. She's still getting used to this, and it's not easy for her. Kiwi doesn't blame her at all. Tabitha expected she'd get kicked out... or staked. But we still love her, and Kiwi forgives her.

It was really, really scary. I still get the shivers when I think about it. In a way, though, I think it was good. (Not for Kiwi, though - she's seriously been having the worst couple of months!) I think it finally showed Tabitha why we keep trying to get her to do better, and why we can't just let it go. Before, it seemed like she thought we were nagging. Now she knows how dangerous she can be. I don't think she ever realized this before. Tabitha seems really serious about getting herself under better control. I think that'll turn out to be a really good thing.

We'll be here for her.

Love,
Summer

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween, blog friends! :-) This is Bree, filling you in on our holiday.

Today was a hard day to concentrate in school. Everyone was pretty excited about the holiday; too bad Halloween didn't fall on a weekend this year. Oh well. We got home and helped the younger girls get into their costumes. Kirsten made them all pinkie swear to bring back enough candy for all of us.

Fiona, Kiwi, Evelyn, Charissa, Molly, Summer, and Kaya went trick-or-treating. Fiona dressed as Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Kiwi dressed as a black cat, and Ev was a pumpkin. Molly made a canvas frame for herself and painted on it, so her costume was a pretty good representation of a Van Gogh painting; her outfit was a ton of work, and she kept it pretty secret till it was done. She got a lot of compliments. Kaya dressed as a turtle, with a paper-mâché shell and a green leotard, and Summer was a purple snail with a matching shell. They all looked great! My sisters are so creative. Maia took them out trick-or-treating in the neighbourhood, and they all had a really good time!


Most of the rest of us stayed and handed out candy, which was fun too. We watched TV while we waited, and talked, and enjoyed the costumes the kids wore. We didn't get a huge number of trick-or-treaters, but we had enough to feel like we were in the spirit of things. They started coming about 5:15 p.m., when it was well on the way to dark, and kept going till 8:30 or so. There were a lot of great outfits, and we gave out lots of candy. (But fortunately, we have some leftovers, too!)


Halloween has been tough on our resident vampires. Kind of ironic, in a way, that a holiday with spooky stuff is difficult for them - I mean, people dress up as vampires for their costumes after all! But having hordes of excited, loud, stranger humans coming to our door wasn't exactly easy on the self-control.  During regular times we don't tend to have many people here that they aren't familiar with, or large groups at once. Tabitha was a mess, and even Clare was struggling. They both stayed in the Roses' basement with Inna and tried to stay calm and peaceful. Clare managed calm and peaceful a lot better than Tabitha did, but no one got eaten - or even almost eaten - which we consider a win.


Our pets didn't have a great time either. Gandalf hid under Kiwi's bed, and April alternated between hiding behind the sofa and barking at the front window. They're glad that people have pretty much stopped knocking. Clare didn't appreciate it when Molly pointed out the similarity between pets and vampires.


For most of us, it was a fun holiday. For the others... well, it was at least okay. Halloween is one of my favourite holidays. I like the pretend spookiness and how excited everyone is. I wouldn't want every day to be Halloween, but it's a fun novelty once a year, and I always enjoy it.


Do you like Halloween? Did you go trick-or-treating? What did you dress as? If you stayed in and handed out candy, did you have many people come to your door?


Love,
Bree

Together

"What can't we face if we're together?

What's in this place that we can't weather?"

-Buffy, the musical episode

Hello, blog world! This is Bree.

Well, as it turns out, we were right to be worried about what the weird guy who followed us said. We got home, and told the adults - and Inna totally flipped out. We knew she'd probably be upset that someone had threatened her (and us, too, really) but we didn't expect the level of fear we saw when we broke the news.

Inna immediately announced that she was leaving. That it was too dangerous us if she stayed with us. That was something we weren't okay with, though. We couldn't just send Inna off on her own. We'd miss her - and besides, we're safer together than any single one of us would be alone. Inna was skeptical, so we took a vote. No one voted she should go. We're a family, and she's part of that family. No matter what. 

She continued arguing, but I pointed out that she'd do the same thing for any of us. Inna couldn't really refute that, because we all knew it was true, so she conceded the point. 

There was brief talk of just the Roses going - but again, safety in numbers, and neither Inna nor Maia wanted to put Summer and Kiwi in danger. That's why they came here in the first place. To be safe. Thankfully, we decided the best way to make that happen is for us all to stay together. I'm glad. I don't want to lose anyone from my family.

Speaking of that, Tabitha - our new vampire - is doing a little better. She's been drinking the blood Clare brings her, and she seems maybe a little less crazy now? 

Tabitha actually managed to have a reasonably coherent conversation with me on one of my visits. She told me she liked my shirt (the first time she'd expressed any kind of preference.) Since she seemed to be conversing better than usual, I asked if she had any family we could contact for her. Tabitha said no, and asked where she was. She seemed surprised when I said Canada - I don't think she remembers the trip at all - but she seemed relieved to be far away from the place where things went so badly wrong for her. And, probably more importantly, at least for now she's gotten away from the people who were chasing her there. She asked if we were really going to protect her, and I promised we would... because family doesn't leave each other, and we're stronger when we're together.

Love,

Bree

Cars, Cat, and Dangerous Stranger

Three things happened in the last two days. And I, Kaya, am going to tell you about it.

The first thing that happened was, Kirsten and Bree took their test for their learner's permits yesterday afternoon. They both passed, but Bree got all the questions right, and Kirsten missed two, so of course Kirsten is jealous. Molly told Kirsten not to feel bad because Bree is a better driver anyway so it doesn't matter... which so did not help. Kirsten didn't talk to either Molly or Bree (even though Bree didn't brag at all) for about three hours. Now they've made up, though, and Inna's car has a "Novice Driver" sign in the rear window so the girls can legally use it to practice. Fun times!

The second thing is, Kiwi found a cat yesterday. He was a little grey stray who has been hanging around their school for a few days, and she decided to bring him home. After some major wheedling, and Summer and Kiwi promising up and down to take care of him, Maia said they could keep him if Inna agreed when she got home from work - which she did. So now the Roses have a pet, too! We're so happy for them!

They gave their new kitty some food, which he liked, and a bath, which he didn't... but needed because he was really muddy from living outside. They brushed him and petted him for awhile. Then he curled up on their sofa and fell asleep, having decided to his satisfaction that their house was home. They've decided to name him Gandalf the Grey, which we approve of because we all love Lord of the Rings.

The third thing is not so fun. This evening I was walking April (our dog; probably you all know that by now, but we clarify sometimes because her name is human-like enough that she could be another sister or a friend) with Kirsten, Bree, and Felicity. Kirsten and Bree had settled their earlier driving-related differences, and Felicity and I were prepared to calm them down if there was another flare-up of hostilities, but they were getting along again. I will say this for them, they yell at each other like crazed wolverines at the time, but it blows over fast afterward and they're fine again, which is kind of weird to me.

Anyway, we noticed someone was behind us, keeping pace. It was early evening, but getting dark, because our days are starting to get short. We were pretty sure it was a male, in dark clothes and a hoodie. That may sound foreboding, but it's really not all that unusual. We live in the city, so it's not odd to see other people out walking when we take April out, and lots of people have the same urban-travel walking pace because we're used to going places on foot, so you naturally keep a steady distance between you. Nor was his clothing odd - dark colours are popular here, and practically everyone wears hoodies at least sometimes. At first, we weren't concerned about him - but then he got close enough that I could sense his emotions using my power.

He wasn't feeling hostile. He wasn't feeling violent. But he was feeling very determined and intent... and perceiving himself as intimidating. That was not necessarily a good thing. When April stopped to sniff something, I stopped too, hoping we could let him pass. Suddenly he was very focused on examining the house numbers, even though before he was just walking, not looking for an address. Clearly taking an excuse to stop when we stopped. I pulled on April's leash, and she followed - and then he was moving again, too. I started to get really alarmed, and communicated this to my sisters with my eyes. They'd already figured it out, though.

"I need to get something at the corner store," Bree said.

"Okay," I replied, knowing where she was going with this. The corner store is open late, and whenever we've gone there, there have always been at least a few customers. It's well-lighted. They'd probably give us a hard time about April, but on the plus side they don't let people wear their hoods up in the store (there's a sign on the door indicating that,) so he'd have to show his face on the security camera... making it less likely he'd do something to us afterward.

I thought Bree had the right idea. Apparently the guy following us figured out that we were onto him, too, because suddenly I sensed frustration and hurry from him. We picked up our pace. So did he. We exchanged another look. This one said that if something bad happened, Bree should run for help because she's so fast. She nodded a little, just enough for us to see.

In sight of the store, the guy picked up his pace, passed us, and blocked our way. I saw Bree tense, ready to bolt, and he said, "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you."

"Darn right," Kirsten replied. "So we're just going to be going..."

He continued like she hadn't said anything. "But I do have a message for you. You girls have been making some dangerous enemies lately. You've displeased people who really ought not to be displeased, if you value your lives."

Bree tried to dart past him, but he moved in front of her. She's faster, but he was bigger and stronger, so it was like she had hit a wall. She glowered at him, which he seemed to find funny.

"Let us go," Felicity told him steadily, her power active behind the words.

For a moment, it seemed like it was going to work, and he looked uncertain and started to move out of our way... but then he shook it off. "Wow, you girls are pulling out all your tricks tonight, aren't you?" he said with a laugh. "Don't worry. We're almost done here. One last part of the message. The woman next door to you, Inna. Don't believe her, don't trust her, and don't get too attached to her. She's made worse enemies than you have - and you don't want to be caught in the line of fire when her time comes. I'm warning you about this because you're just dumb kids, but one warning is all you get. If you're interested in your longevity, cut your ties with her before it's too late."

He turned away and left. April belatedly barked at him. I realized I was shaking. We walked home in silence.

In some ways, this is not big news. We know that we have a gang of vampires after us, as well as some mean vampire hunters back in the United States who dislike us, and those definitely count as dangerous enemies. We also know someone has been following/bothering the Roses, and that their efforts and the secrecy seemed focused on Inna. Somehow it all seemed more real, though, hearing it from a stranger in such stark terms.

I can't help feeling worried...

Love,
Kaya

Recognition

Hi, this is Clare. It's been a busy few days for us. We've had school (well, homeschool lessons, in my case) and Blakeney, Bree, and Summer got home from their trip and are settling back in. It's good to have the whole family together again! We all missed each other while we were apart.

The other busy part is, of course, the other vampire. It sounds weird to call her that, but she wouldn't tell us her name. (We actually found it out, but I'll get to that.) Once she woke up from the tranquilizers, she started talking, but it wasn't much of a conversation. Just that she wanted us to let her go, and she was thirsty.

I took care of the thirsty part - I brought her blood to drink - but it never seemed like enough for her. I remember those days, when I always felt I needed more. She'll get over that. I don't think she's been a vampire for very long, so her body is still adjusting.

Letting her go, though, is not an option. For one thing, she would kill people. She says she wouldn't, and she wouldn't even want to, but she has no control of herself at all at this point. She tried to eat Evelyn on the second day, and didn't seem aware enough to even try to stop herself. (Fortunately she's still restrained, and couldn't reach poor Ev.) For another thing... as far as we know, she has nowhere else to go. There are vampire hunters after her, and possibly other vampires. She can't just go back to her normal life. I think on some level, she realizes this, but it's hard for her to admit it to herself.

We've been taking turns spending time with her... talking to her and reading to her, and just being there so she isn't alone. It's hard to tell if she's doing any better. Felicity does the best at calming her down - using her power - but it's a lot of work and it doesn't last very long. I think she just needs time to adjust, like I did last year when I was turned. At least, unlike me when I was newly turned, she has nice people taking care of her, rather than cruel other vampires who will teach her bad things. I think that will make it easier.

We have made progress in one area, though; we know her name! Felicity had been sitting with her, and when I came to take my turn, she said, "By the way, her name is Tabitha [Last Name]. Maybe calling her that will help."

"Oh, she finally said?" She had to have said, I assumed, because we don't have anyone in our family who can read minds. Kaya can feel what other people are feeling, but a name is a piece of information, not an emotion - so we have no way of finding that out using our powers.

Felicity shook her head. "I remember her. From before. It took a few days for me to recognize her, because she looks so different now. We - me, Kirsten, Molly, Charissa, and Bree - used to play with her when we were little kids. She lived next door to our grandparents, with her elderly relatives who were related to us, too. Last time I saw her was December of last year, and she seemed fine then. You know, normal. I don't mean 'normal,' I mean..."

I chuckled. "You mean, not a vampire?"

Felicity nodded, blushing bright red and embarrassed for kind of calling me abnormal. Which is perfectly fair - I am definitely not normal. Felicity continued, though. "Yeah, and... not feral and injured. When we saw her ten months ago, she was just a regular girl. But her relatives started having health problems, and couldn't take care of her. I'm not sure where she went to live after that."

Maybe it was just a coincidence, but this is similar to my own story. My grandmother who was raising me died, and I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle, who kicked me out when their sons abused me. I was homeless and living on the streets when I became a vampire. It could just be by chance that Tabitha had a background so much like mine... kids with attentive parents can't just disappear to become vampires, so for young ones like us, odds are that the ball got dropped by someone in terms of our care... but I wondered if there was a deeper connection because of the details that were the same. I mentioned it to my sisters later, but at the time I just said, "Thanks. It's good to know."

It really was good. It didn't make a huge amount of difference, of course. Tabitha isn't just magically fine now. I think it helped, though. I don't think it's just my imagination that she seemed to pay a little more attention to what I was saying when I used her name, or that she seemed just a little bit reassured that there were people involved in this who were nice to her in the past. It's not huge, but it's something. And we'll take anything we can get.

Love,
Clare